The return

Son,

When you read this letter, I will have long disappeared. Please, don’t hate me. I wanted to explain all this to you, but I was never sure how.

I love you with my heart, but there are also things daddy must do. It’s a bit like going to school. You don’t like to, but you have to do it, and you have to learn. I don’t like leaving, but I have to leave so that I can learn.

I will be home in a year. I’ll write everyday. I promise.

I promise.

I love you.

 

Kingdom come

“Hey”

Wha-?

“Come, it’s time to go.”

Where am-

“Shh, it doesn’t matter where you are. What matters is where you’re going.”

I’m tired.

She smiles. “Do you know who I am?”

?

Her smile widens. “You must be tired. You’ve done so much already.”

Her hand is warm and… familiar.

“Gently now… gently.”

………

And trumpets blared as the herald announced the passing of their great king, the one who had brought it to an unsurpassed golden age. His body would lay next to his wife, as he had instructed, and it was no surprise. His health had been failing ever since she had passed away. He had given his life for his country, now that burden was to be shouldered by his son.

Whatever it was though, he was at peace now… at peace.

Couldn’t be me

His head was throbbing, so he knew he had done something wild last night. He downed the cup of water that he always placed there for such an occasion before lying back down again, trying to retrace the steps of the night before.

He had gone out with Jansen and the gang last night. They did their pre-drinks and had gone off to the new club that had recently opened. Then it hit him. Images of downed shots, lights flashing as he grabbed a girl and kissed her, desperately wanting it to be Kim, hoping that she could fill that gap in his life. Then…

Marcus picked up his phone and scrolled through the new messages. Four, more than usual this time.

“Dude, you okay man? We need to talk about things when you’re awake. Call me.”

“Wtf M! You owe me one for wht happened last nite.”

“I don’t know if you remember anything but you have to call us ASAP.”

“Fuck you. How the fuck could you do that? How the fuck could you rape that girl? Dude you’re fucked up man. You need help.”

He read the last message over and over again, disgusted with himself. He remembered fully what had transpired as she pushed him away just as Kim had done when they broke up. He had grabbed her on the wrist and pulled her back, and suddenly she had no longer been some girl, she was the one he so desperately chased after, wanting… hoping…

And he had crossed the line when he had pushed her down when she had left and tore her clothes off, had slapped her to silence her cries that reminded him of Kim’s voice when she had been sad and he had comforted him…

He lay back down, staring at the ceiling, hating himself for not feeling the guilt and embarrassment that he should feel. He knew it was wrong, knew that he should not have done that, and yet he wondered if she could forgive him if he told her… if she could understand why…

So he lay there for the rest of the morning, wondering if he was a monster.

The day Tom failed to mind the gap

Note: I’VE BEEN AWAY FOR WEEEKS NOOOOOOW!!! No excuses, I thought I would let the blog die especially since I felt like what I was writing was just plain crap (hah. I’ll join the crowd of writers who feel that way). Especially because it wasn’t conveying what I truly wanted to. I have done more research into psychotherapy/counselling/coaching (what I really want to do), spoken with my friends who have read the blog who say they quite liked it, and have consolidated my thoughts once more. Also, family came for a week so I was rejuvenating with them too. I’ll start off simple, and then we’ll work up again.

As the train doors opened, Tom squeezed his way through the crowd, determined to not let this day be the day he was late for work.

Yet as he pushed past the last person with a huff, he found himself tumbling, his leg twisting awkwardly. With a sudden terror, he realised his mistake: he had failed to mind the gap.

When they finally pulled him out, Tom immediately called in to work, apologising profusely for not being there with his clients and will be available within the next half hour. Limping his way up the stairs, refusing any medical attention, he felt sure that his boss would understand the great sacrifice that he had made. Surely he would be forgiven for celebrating his birthday the night before, for that was surely what everyone did!

Hopping now, Tom grit his teeth and hailed a taxi, giving the address and laying his leg down. Yes, they would surely understand how much he had given to the company, how much he had suffered through sleepless nights reading through all the required material, how he had decided, without hesitation, to give up his holiday to ensure that the audits were in top shape.

But there was no client where he arrived, only a pained whisper from his colleague that the boss wanted him. Puffing his chest out, confidence brimming through him, Tom knocked once, entered the office and close the door.

The shouting began immediately. Why was he late? There was an incident on the train. Why did he not allow time for such incidents? He normally did, but yesterday was his birthday and he had drunk too much. Why did he do so when he knew today was so important? Because it had been what he had always done every year. Besides, he had been on time every day for the past six years and had-

Tables were slammed. Spit was spewed. He was running a busy company damn it, and couldn’t afford any form of slacking, ever. The boss sent him out, slamming the door shut.

And so Tom returned to his desk and sat down in great pain, confused and dazed as to why the boss did not understand as he had expected.

Compromise

Whoa.

Whoaaaa.

Alright, alright, I know you’re pissed. Let’s talk about this, but I need to first put the gun do-

Okay! Okay… You can leave it up. That’s fine. I can work with that.

Yes, I know. I knew you were coming for me for revenge. My employees told me that you blame me for the state you’re in now. It’s justifiable. From your own farm business to working in a Macdonalds, and now this.

What, are you surprised? Oh come on, I know you’re smarter than that. Straight A student, and the only one in your family to have attended university. We’ve been watching you since the little incident we had on your farm. The guy’s still in hospital after all these months you know? Never seen a leg twisted that wa-

Whoa! Whoa whoa, okay. Okay.

…You… Look, if you think I took away your life, then I’m sure somewhere inside you thinks I can give it back. There’s just one thing you need to do first. Whatd’ya say? Oh, it’s simple. Forgive me, I’m not used to this. I er, I just need you to

put the gun down.

Moving mistakes

“Daddy?”

She called out several more times as she tried to wake him up. He had said something about this once, just yesterday actually…

Snip snip, she carefully cut along the edges so that she would not disfigure the latest iteration of the Little Lumberjack characters. Among them, she really liked the way Sawdust Sam the most, always being blamed for something, but always finding a way out of it. She thought back to the episode where he saved a group of children from the horrible Bog using only-

“Ah!” Dropping her scissors, she felt a sharp pain run through her thumb before blood starting running. Tears welled up as she looked to the fireplace, not to the crackling of the flames themselves, but to the shadows they cast.

“Daddy!” She ran to him, thrusting her thumb out along the way. He looks up from his book and, understanding, he grabs the first-aid kit.

“Sophie, it hurts doesn’t it?” He asks as he sprays the disinfectant.

Sophie winces and gasps in reply as more tears are squeezed out.

“Mm. Sometimes people make mistakes, and sometimes it’s you who makes that mistake, and it hurts. But you get better and you continue, alright?”

She nods, not quite understanding, her mind already looking forward to the concert they were going to tomorrow…

“Daddy?”

Someone had made a mistake today, bigger than the one she made yesterday. Someone had turned too fast, or turned too slow, or skidded somewhere. She doesn’t know all this, she only sees the pool of blood spreading out. Her thumb hurts, and it was painful to move at all, but she could see him as she laid trapped under the wreckage.

He would save him, wouldn’t he? He would get better and continue,

wouldn’t he?

The Staircase

Daddy carefully tip-toed on the staircase, newly painted red. Didn’t want to wake little Sebastian up from his baby sleep.

Sebastian climbed the staircase up to his room in the attic. They had tried to move him downstairs but he liked the view. Grabbing his colour pencils, he opened his drawing book…

He rushed up the stairs, locking the door behind him. Downstairs, mommy was complaining about how one of the steps was broken now. That’s all they did, complain all day. They’d never understand…

Daddy lifted the mattress off the bed frame to give them a wipe. It had been a year since his son had flown off for university. Didn’t call back as much as they had wished. Maybe he should repaint the staircase.

The family take their turn carrying boxes down. Sebastian mentions the peeling paint, and brings out a can of paint. So they spend their afternoon painting in celebration of his new job.

His leg was starting to ache a little with each step up the staircase, but they could not be overshadowed as he moved boxes down. Money had been tight ever since mommy and daddy had moved on. They needed anything they could get.

He opened the door leading to his old bedroom. Dust claimed every inch of space, so Sebastian and Jane brought the vacuum up. They had to prepare for the baby after all.

Wait. Why…

And just like that, the stair below him broke and he fell. It did not take him long to realise that he was unable to feel anything below his hip.

“Goodnight daddy.”

“Goodnight.”

Jane led their child up to her room in the attic. The bill had been pricey.

Sebastian laid upon his bed in the attic. He had requested for the room when they found his health had started failing. Looking out, he realised that he really did have a wonderful view as the autumn leaves blew past him and he closed his eyes.